Mr Singleton
December 13th, 2011
According to the Office of National Statistics, 52% of men in England and Wales are now single. One of these UK bachelors, the author David Whitehouse, writes ( in the Saturday Times December 3rd 2011), that in his twenties, the idea of settling down- tying himself to one woman, for better for worse, was as alien to him and his freewheeling compatriots as the idea of a male being able to lactate. He says, "my love life was like a race withiout an end point. I didn't expect anything to end in marriage, I just kept running until I was knackered.'
What I find interesting about this is his inference that marriage is an end. I think he has made a crucial misunderstanding, because as far as I can see, all his relationships thus far have ended. If he had married (allow me some optimism about his hypothetical choices here), he would still be in a relationship. I certainly don't feel that my relationship with Shawn ended in marriage. In real life, the happy ending of a wedding is followed by the next day and the one after that- the laundry, the laughter, the holidays, the kids, the jobs, the history...
When Shawn and I got together both of us had, despite our youthfulness, seriously considered marriage with other people. I had a panic in the early weeks of our relationship because I knew that the outcome would either be a break up, or the life-altering commitment of matrimony. I felt (and I do know that I can be a bit more dramatic than some) that I was boarding a roller coaster and I would have to see out the ride, however terrifying.
Each of David's relationships began with the only question being when the breakup would happen. I do have to wonder if any of the four girls who gave him a portion of their twenties knew the nature of the contract. And I hope that one day he doesn't wake up with the taste of bitter regret in his mouth and no one to pass him the mouthwash.
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Danni Smith
~ December 13th, 2011 ~ 17:12I wonder why so many of us in the west have deep-rooted emotional insecurities?
Darrell~ April 2nd, 2012 ~ 02:04Thanks Jo.. I heard your interview with Rachel last night on the Spirit of Things program on ABC Radio National.. Anyway I perhaps am a bit different to the guy you are referring to here.. although aren't we all a little or a lot 'different' in some cases.. I was married in early 1994, after meeting only about 12 months earlier.. And it all ended in mid-1995 after our son died of SIDS.. with the marriage about 6 months later.. And that just shook my whole world as you might imagine.. sending me off on my "Quest" to seek the deeper meaning of life etc.. with my now being 'single'.. more or less totally since then, apart from one short term on & off 'relationship'.. from 2000 to about 18 months ago.. that I ended since I decided that I really wasn't that attracted to the other person.. And so I ended up going to 'Insight Seminars' in Sydney in mid 1998.. recommended to me by Sandy McGregor.. who has worked with healing Vietnam veterans etc through mediation & visualisation techniques etc.. at a course he was running on personal development & attuning to your own inner vision of ones life etc.. And so here I was doing the same again.. but only going deeper with 'Insight'.. which was essentially 'group process' work.. Insight also has strong ties to the Unity Church.. I found out years later.. as they don't promote that at all.. And so having had all this time being on my own.. I believe has helped me learn an enormous amount about myself.. who I really am etc.. as opposed to being in a 'relationship' & having to fit my life around that etc.. And I sometimes look at other people in relationships & think that they are not really learning anything about themselves.. Since they are always with someone else.. I guess what I am talking about is that in order to 'find' oneself truly.. maybe some of us need to do that by being single.. AND.. >>>> For more of my reply & the idea of 'The Divine Mistake' go to my blog at www.whatsitallmeanthen.blogspot.com
